The Future Will Eat Me!

Okay, having definite "future will eat me" problems. I got an e-mail earlier tonight and I now know when I'm leaving... Sunday! Gaah!

I still haven't managed to get out and get all of the things I need... I have to pack... I have to figure out the last of the arrangements... and I have to leave in 4 days!

It seems that everything is happening too soon and all at once... things are falling down around me and I have to leave it behind... I feel like I need to fix everything before I'm gone for the summer and I don't think I'll have the time, if I could ever have managed it anyway... it's frightening.

I'm ecstatic, I'm looking forward to it... and at the same time I'm frightened out of my mind and a bit ironically already feeling a bit homesick and missing my friends... probably because I'm leaving... and Ari and Aaron are having problems.... And I can't seem to help them... and I don't have time even if I knew what I should do...

And now I can't sleep because I have all of this going through my head over, and over... along with a list of all the things I have to get together, buy, pack, finish, etc. before I leave... and after it all, 4 days! that's all I have! All the time I have to make sure I see my friends at least once more before I go... to pack... to say goodbye to my family... gaah!

I'm excited... and this is what I want to do, I know I'll enjoy it... I want to work in the middle of nowhere... but I don't want to leave things as they are right now. How am I supposed to abandon Ari? Or go when my dad is depressed because of gallery politics?

Why does everything have to happen at once... and why does something so good have to coincide with things that make it so hard.. it's the ultimate joke of the universe I suppose... our concerns mean nothing in the grand scheme of things...

I really don't know how I'm feeling right now...

I did hear from Rachelle, who's up in the Yukon already working for a different company. She's doing really well and says she's having a blast... and I'm sure it will be the same with me... but I'm leaving for three months and too many things at home are unresolved...

Okay, I know I'm sounding like a broken record but that's just how my mind is spinning right now...

I don't know the flight times yet... I'm hoping for evening because that would give me a little more time... not much... but a little...

Oh well... the future's vast and I guess it's going to eat everyone... Here's hoping everything works out. My mom always says that everything happens for a reason... I just hope it's a good one.

Over and out
~Em